"People often mix religion and tradition, which is a big problem in my country," (personal communication, October 28, 2011) says Amar in the beginning of our conversation, explaining that not everything we hear about muslim countries is due to religion. I think this is worth mentioning as I am going to compare two completely different muslim worlds - Saudi Arabia and Turkey.
Friendship
Even though the Koran states that people should be nice to each other, smile all the time and try to help those who need it, this does not usually happen in Saudi Arabia according to Amar. "It was easier to make friends in the US than it is back home. People are much nicer and everybody is always trying to help me, especially in Nebraska,"(personal communication, October 28, 2011) he says. In my opinion, it is really hard to tell if this is a matter of religion, context, or luck, but in Turkey people were always extremely nice to each other. I have experienced many situations when a friend of mine would start talking to a person in a shop or a coffee house and after tem minutes they would exchange numbers, simply because they liked each other, came from the same part of the country or wanted to talk about business later. When I asked Amar if there was a specific notion to describe friendship in Islam, he responed instantly: "A friend is like a brother to me."(personal communication, October, 28, 2011) I remember my ex-boyfriend talking the same way about his friends in Turkey and I have come to understand what it means. In Islam, friendship has a much deeper meaning than in most Western cultures. Friends spend a lot of time together, completely trust and support each other, do not judge each other and never lie. (field notes)
I asked Amar if he had to change something in his behaviour in friendships when he came to the US and he replied, smiling, that kissing a man on cheeks would really seem weird here. "Internatinal students in the United States often remark that U.S. students seem superficial" (Martin & Nakayama, 2011, p. 396). Amar admitted that it took him a while to adjust to the way Americans say hi, asking him how he is doing even though they do not really care. "In Saudi Arabia this is considered rude. When you see a friend, you usually stop and talk to him for a while, ask him questions about his family or his job." (personal communication, October 28, 2011) My experience from Turkey was the same; people kiss on cheeks when they meet and whenever we saw someone we knew in the street, we usually ended up talking to that person for at least twenty minutes. (field notes), which definitely differs from the United States.
Family
"Muslim people are extremely family oriented" (personal communication, October 28, 2011) Amar claims when we start talking about family. He sees big differences between Saudi Arabia and the United States and he states a few examples such as the fact that in Saudi Arabia people usually live in their parents' house until they get married or that he speaks with all the members of his family at least once a week. I was interested if there are some specific patterns of behaviour in family that would be directly connected to Islam. As Amar said there are several rules to follow written in Koran: never say no to your father, take good care of your parents when they get older and honor your mother more than your father. (personal communication, October 28, 2011)
Turkey is much more modern than Saudi Arabia, but you can still feel the importance of the family in the culture. It happened to me in one instance where I arrived to Turkey really late at night and woke up the next day at 1 pm to realize that my boyfriend's family had not even had breakfast --they were waiting for me to eat all together as a family. Honestly, that cannot happen to you in any Western culture. (field notes)
Romantic relationships
When it comes to romantic relatiohships, the most significant differences occur. In Saudi Arabia dating is basically "prohibited" but Amar explains that he lives in the only liberal city in the country where dating is normal. Yet, it is not the dating we know. Couples usually keep their relationship a secret and meet when no one is at home or in special coffee houses where everyone goes to date. He also talks about the traditional way when parents arrange the wedding, in this case the couple normally has a year to get to know each other and to find out if they really want to be together. "This is purely traditional and it has nothing to do with religion, though" Amar specifies. A muslim can marry anyone he wants, but Amar does not think that it would be easy. He adds that he would not have a problem marrying an American or anyone of a different faith, but on the other hand he sees the potential problem when it comes to children, as he would want his children to be muslim.(personal communication, October 28, 2011)
On the other hand, romantic relationships in Turkey work exactly the same way they do in Western countries. Couples can hold hands, kiss in public. And my experience is mostly that Turkish women actually love young couples, especially gossiping about them. Meeting my boyfriend's family was also an extremely pleasant experience because I immediately became part of their traditions and participated in everything they would do as a family.(field notes)
I am almost sure that there is no universal advice how to interact with a muslim because his or her attitude will most likely depend on the country of origin as the rigidness of Islam varies from country to country. I would recommend, though, to be respectful to their culture and leave the stereotypes at home. I have mostly met very nice muslims from several different countries and our successful communication was always based on mutual respect, honesty and a willingness to learn.
Reference page:
Martin, J. N. & Nakayama T. K. (2010). Intercultural Communication in Contexts: Fifth Edition. NewnYork: McGraw-Hill.
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